Pat Wong has six storage lockers filled to the brim, a home packed with decades of stuff — and a cautionary tale to share.
The 82-year-old Ottawa woman says ever since she was a child, she’s had a hard time letting go of unneeded belongings. But now, holding on to it all is beginning to take a toll.
“My retirement savings didn’t include a whole bunch of property taxes, vacant unit taxes and all this other stuff, plus the keeping up the premises,” said Wong, who described herself to CBC as an “A-class hoarder.”
She has had to sell a second home that she could no longer live in and shuffled her belongings between her remaining property, the storage lockers and tents in her daughter’s backyard.
Wong is also confronting the cost of her lifestyle in terms of time and relationships.
“It’s kept me from maybe enjoying experiences with people,” she said after opening up her Carlington home to CBC. “It might have cost me my husband. My oldest daughter thinks that.”
Boxes piled high
Inside Wong’s two-storey home,� boxes and bins containing children’s toys, books and newspapers are stacked high against the walls. Wong carves a narrow path between them, pausing to explain each category.
The newspapers have been stashed away to read later, but the headlines have fallen so far out of date that they now offer a window into another time.
Other items are scattered more haphazardly — skates, alarm clocks, a birdcage. A lamp occupies a bathroom sink, and in her kitchen the stovetop is so cluttered it can’t be used for cooking.
Some of the toys were gifts that never made it to her grandkids, or were accumulated for the daycare she thought she might open one day. Wong remembers losing her own playthings in a fire when she was six.
Despite the sheer volume of stuff, Wong still feels tempted by a bargain at the thrift store, and would rather keep an old coffee tin than throw it out.
“I feel like if they’re not good for the purpose that they were probably intended, there might be some way that they could be used elsewhere,” she said. “Waste not, want not. But you see, I’m wasting my money and my time.”
Overwhelming clutter
Wong says her home fell into decline years ago, and she hasn’t welcomed visitors in a very long time. There wouldn’t be much room for them to sit, anyway.
“I stopped having people over and just started adding more clutter,” she said.
Her own children used to live in the house until their care was handed over to their father. Her grandchildren don’t visit, Wong said.
“I didn’t feel I wanted them to get a picture of a house that was so cluttered.”
When she tries to declutter, Wong becomes easily distracted. People have offered to help, but she fears they might toss out something that seems insignificant to them, but is important to her.
For example, somewhere in a bureau on the main floor is a collection of photos she inherited from her father. At least she thinks that’s where they are.
“I guess those are things that I might feel if somebody came in and helped me, might get tossed, because they’re not necessarily in a logical place,” she said.
Changing their relationship to things
Elaine Birchall, a hoarding behaviour and intervention specialist in Ottawa and co-author of Conquer the Clutter: Strategies to Identify, Manage and Overcome Hoarding, said more people are seeking help.
“Not every hoarding situation represents a disorder. It becomes a disorder when the person is functionally impaired … [and] then becomes a disability as well,” she said. “It ruptures relationships, it breaks trust.”
Each individual must confront their situation on their own terms because they’re the ones who see value in the objects they keep, she said.
“Meaning is in the eye of the beholder,” Birchall said. “You need to help people change their relationship to their things, not discard.”
That can take time: It’s not as easy as renting a truck for the weekend and hauling everything to the dump, Birchall said.
She gives her clients incremental deadlines with attainable goals, allowing them to maintain control over the process. She also steers them toward the items they value most to help them discard the things they don’t.
“Where there’s will there’s hope,” Birchall said.
Wong is also hopeful, and wants to help others recognize the “trap” that hoarders can unwittingly build around themselves.
“You’re not doing yourself a privilege by holding onto all of this stuff,” she said. “You deserve better.”