Deachman: I played a Canada Day treasure hunt of my own design. It was harder than expected

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On Canada Day, I saw a man on LeBreton Flats, wearing a grey suit, dress shoes and shirt, a tie and a hat, looking for all the world like a banker from the 1960s, standing motionless and seemingly unaware of the celebrations that swirled all about him.

I also saw a Tim Hortons mascot, in the form of a human sized cup of coffee, but with cargo shorts and hairy legs sticking out of the bottom of the cup.

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I saw people on Parliament Hill applaud loudly as planes and helicopters flew past, which struck me as an odd response. I mean, can the pilots hear?

And I saw a woman, on Wellington Street, holding a sign that read “REPENT!!! For The Kingdom of Heaven is at Hand,” which seemed a wholly out-of-place Canada Day message, but hey, to each their own.

For all these odd sights, though, I received no points, as what I really needed to find was an Edmonton Oilers fan to hug.

By way of explanation for those who weren’t playing along, I’d written a column on Saturday about past Canada Days, at the end of which I’d included a kind of bingo card/treasure hunt of a dozen things to look out for or experience in Canada Day. Most were borrowed from Canadian stereotypes, and I didn’t really expect anyone to take part and actually keep track of their score. And I seriously didn’t think that I would do it myself, until the Citizen’s editor-in-chief hoisted me on my own Canada Day petard and assigned it to me. But I am, if nothing else, game — plus I need the job. So here’s how it went…

Yeah, right. Maybe if I’d played The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald on my phone, someone might have absentmindedly started to sing along, but I didn’t think of that, did I? Plus it would have felt like cheating. When deputy Prime Minister and cheerleader Chrystia Freeland waxed Canadian to the crowd, I very nearly thought she would break out in song, but alas. Points: 0

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2. Seeing someone drink a Bloody Caesar.

Not at LeBreton Flats or on the Hill, but I did find a couple of people enjoying this Canadian invention at Beyond the Pale Brewing Company. John Fagan and Hannah Overall were, in fact, enjoying double Caesars, or Anne Caesars, they called them, in honour of their friend Anne who serves them at her cottage for breakfast. Points: 1

3. See someone wearing a Canadian flag as a cape.

There were a few to choose from, but I think I found the best. Andrew Larche, who has been “doing” Canada Day in the Hill and LeBreton Flats for about a decade now, had the large cape, a Canadian flag “gown” (for want of a better description), red-and-white floral leis around his neck, and what reminded me of Maleficent’s headwear, were she a Canadian. Every year, he says, thousands of people take selfies and other photos of him. Points: 1

4. Seeing a Snowbird jet. Half a point if you only hear it.

During the aerial fly-past of numerous aircraft, I stood on Parliament Hill beside Jose Izquierdo, who watched each one through binoculars. The planes and helicopters flew directly overhead, leading me to worry that he might tip over as they passed. The fact that he didn’t was worthy of applause. “Are you an aircraft fan?” I asked. “I’m a fan of July 1,” he answered. Points: 1

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5. Someone says “sorry” to you.

I had to bite my tongue when one man, who bumped into me with such force that I almost fell down, didn’t say “sorry,” but moments later, another man, Patrick Wang, apologized when he accidentally hit my camera. Originally from China, Wang has been in Canada for five years, and says the stereotype of polite and apologetic Canadians is “absolutely” true.

I also met Kristen Robinson, who wore a T-shirt that simply read “SORRY.” The shirt was a welcoming gift from her mother to Robinson’s fiancé, Mark Jennings, when he first came to Canada from the UK three years ago. Like Wang, Jennings said the stereotype is “100 per cent” true. Points: 1

6. Eat or drink something that is both maple- and bacon-flavoured.

I thought I’d be clever and swing by Suzy-Q donuts on my way to the Flats, but they were closed on Canada Day. Meanwhile, the onsite BeaverTails and Tim Hortons were of no help. Instead, The Great Canadian Poutinerie, on Bank Street, agreed to go off menu and make me an special order of maple-bacon poutine. Points: 1 (though there ought to be a second point for resourcefulness.)

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7. Find someone with a poutine gravy stain on their shirt.

I felt like a vulture as I lurked around the poutine truck at LeBreton, surreptitiously circling poutine-eating families, waiting and watching for a dollop of gravy to land on Junior’s T-shirt. But no such luck. What’s wrong with kids these days?

I did, though, run into Tony Caswell, who was wearing a T-shirt with a graphic of poutine THAT INCLUDED THE GRAVY. Speaking of stereotypes, the T-shirt, a gift from his wife, read, “Poutine: The Canadian salad.” I asked Caswell if he likes poutine. “Of course,” he answered, “I’m Canadian.” Points: 1

8. Find someone with a maple leaf tattoo. Bonus if it’s permanent.

This was one of the things I looked for in earnest when I arrived on the Flats, figuring it would be easy. I’ll say this: it’s a different way to look at Canada Day when you’re mostly examining people’s ankles and calves.

I did luck in, however, when I passed James Manicom tossing a football around with his kids. I was a few metres away when I saw a maple leaf tattoo on his arm and called out, “Is that just a temporary tattoo on your arm?” “Yes,” he replied, “but I have a real one, too.” That tattoo, high on his leg, reads “Made in Canada” and includes the initials “PSB.” “My mother, Penelope Susan Brown,” he said. “She passed when I was 14 years old. I was 19 when I got the tattoo, and I thought that the two things I would always love and never change are my mother and my country.” Points: 2

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9. You hear someone say “Yeah, no, eh” in that exact order.
Yeah, no, eh? Points: 0

10. You spot a 1972 Paul Henderson Team Canada hockey sweater.
What I SHOULD have said was “You spot a 2010 Ryan Getzlaf Team Canada hockey sweater.” My fault for being so old. Points: 0.

11. Take a bathroom break at any museum (Free admission on July 1!).

Done. I took a photo of myself at the sink in a washroom at the Canadian War Museum. Even that felt creepy. Points: 1.

12. Hug someone wearing Edmonton Oilers gear.

Oh, my gosh, I looked everywhere. The worst was when someone at the Ottawa Senators fan tent told me they saw someone wearing an Oilers cap, backwards. Knowing there was one on the grounds made it (almost) impossible for me to give up looking, but after a few hours it felt like trying to spot a one-legged leprechaun. Later, when I was on Parliament Hill, a friend sent me a photo of someone at LeBreton wearing a Connor McDavid T-shirt. I did see gear from: The Philadelphia Flyers; Ottawa Senators, Redblacks, Rough Riders, 67’s and Titans; Montreal Canadiens, Expos and Alouettes; New York Islanders, Yankees and Mets; Pittsburgh Penguins; California Golden Seals; Quebec Nordiques; Toronto Blue Jays, FC and Raptors; Cincinnati Reds; Winnipeg Jets; St. Louis Cardinals; Calgary Stampeders; Chicago Cubs and Blackhawks.

I don’t know if it was simply too soon for Oilers’ fans to go outside again, or if their jerseys are just at the cleaners, getting the salty tear stains out. Points: 0.

Grand total for our Canada Day Bingo: 9/12

How’d you do?

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